About forgiveness

Forgiveness Sets People Free

What happens after a marriage relationship breaks down or friends hurt one another?
How should we deal with the hurts we receive in life? One word: FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness can transform our relationships: with God, people, and even with ourselves.

Yet we often have problems asking for forgiveness, forgiving and receiving forgiveness.

Jesus taught that our request to God to forgive should be made on the basis that we forgive other people: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” and "If you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matt. 6:14)

Forgiveness means: 'To take away', 'To completely cancel the debt, 'To release from any obligation', 'To grant free pardon', 'To cease to feel resentment against'

Who needs forgiveness? Anyone who does wrong to God and people, anyone who thinks they have done wrong and anyone who won’t forgive anyone else or themselves. We all need forgiveness sometime. We all need to forgive. An unforgiving person is in a difficult position with God as they pray. (Mark. 11:2) "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you your sins'

Being a forgiver is a distinguishing mark of a maturing Christian.

(Col. 3:13) " Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" Think about that.

How does the Lord forgive? God removes the evidence. - "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (Ps 103:12)

God does not hold our past against us - "I will forgive their wickedness & remember their sins no more " (Heb. 8:12) Jesus received our punishment, choosing to suffer for wrongdoers - "God presented Jesus as a sacrifice of atonement" (Rom. 3:25) God offers renewed friendship: "... God was making all mankind his friends through Christ......God did not keep an account of their sins....” (2 Cor 5:19 GNB)

Jesus removes the bad actions of our past from the record books. He has forgiven & released us from the guilt & bondage to past mistakes. He has forgiven us so that we can stop dwelling on the past & concentrate on living a truly renewed life.

The hard part

Forgiveness at work in our lives and relationships is not always easy to show.

We do not have God’s ability to choose not to remember. For us, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting and the pain of our hurts can linger on for some time. But there are things we can do that will help the process towards forgetting. Forgiveness involves our promise not to raise the matter again. If we raise the matter again in a bitter or resentful way we say: "I have not forgiven you" and we maintain a victim status.

Forgiveness involves at least three promises

1. The promise to avoid holding the offence over the offender's head.

2. The promise to tell no one else about it. Talking with the aim to forgive is OK.

3. The promise not to dwell on it ourself. Dwelling maintains the rage and bitterness etc.

Forgiveness for the forgiver requires a promise to adopt attitudes and behaviour that will lead to forgetting. That’s not always easy and may mean getting help, through counselling.

Some common problems with forgiveness:

Forgiveness is much more than saying sorry (I feel bad) or apologising.

Not wanting to forgive but to punish: ( Luke 6:37) " Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you ...” The things we do so naturally are: “judge and condemn.” The thing that isn’t easy to do is “Forgive.” we often won't. Jesus says: ”Forgive and you will be forgiven”

We often make mistakes of judgement and overlook our own need to be forgiven. This why we need to pray for forgiving hearts. Unforgiveness is a destroying attitude and while we carry unforgiveness around in our hearts we maintain bitterness, resentment & jealousy. This can be re-directed to family, friends and church

Unforgiveness punishes the victim, makes new victims and takes away our joy

Another problem many people have is in finding how to forgive in such a way that the matter is never brought up or talked about and is fading from their minds. This is not easy but it is possible with the help of God and community.

There are two types of people we should forgive

1. The unrepentant person. The best we can offer this person is not to show bitterness or resentment towards them.

2. We can offer much more to the second type. This is the person who realises the hurt they have caused and asks for forgiveness with the promise not to do it again. The Bible teaches us that forgiveness here requires us to comfort and reaffirm our love to the repentant one (even if we are still hurting). If we don’t they may become overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. This will allow the devil an opportunity to gain the victory. See 2 Cor. 2:5-8,11

It’s not always easy to accept forgiveness when we have done something horrible. We can become so overwhelmed by what we have done that we feel we must be punished or we actually punish ourselves. We need to hear that we are forgiven and then relate to people as though we are.

Jesus has given Christians an awesome authority when dealing with forgiveness. He teaches: “If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them they are not forgiven." (John. 20:23). Christians have the authority to say to people who repent: "Your sins are forgiven!" We should allow every opportunity for people to confess, repent and hear they are forgiven. And we should lovingly support them in their recovery.

We suffer when we won’t repent and seek forgiveness. We also suffer when we won’t forgive. And we suffer when we won’t accept forgiveness.

Jesus calls us to fullness of life and the ministry of reconciliation. People to God and people to people. We don't have time to be weighed down with unforgiveness.

Bill