Pride: The Obstacle to Good Relationships

(C S Lewis) ‘Pride is a fault that everyone has. We hate it when we see it in someone else.  And we have great trouble seeing it in ourselves’.

Not all pride is wrong. The apostle Paul was proud of the Corinthians progress in the faith. (2 Corinthians 7) And to Christians generally: We can take pride in ourselves without comparing ourselves with others. (Galatians 6:4) We can also have pride in Jesus and in people and in personal achievements.

In this discussion I want to focus on the pride that damages relationships with God and people and how to manage it.

The Old testament words for pride suggest a self important pride. The kind of pride that leads to an arrogant insensitivity towards God and people. The New testament words for pride suggest a self willed, stubborn, self-centred and big-headed pride.

In the proverbs pride is: an evil to be hated. It leads to disgrace, breeds quarrels, and goes before destruction. (8:13, 11:2,13:10,16:18,)

Let’s take a look at pride in action:  Cain and Abel were Adam and Eve’s first children. One was a farmer the other a grazier. Abel kept flocks, & Cain worked the soil. (Gen. 4:2)

 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.  The LORD looked with favour on Abel and his offering, (Genesis. 4:3-4)

Cain’s offering of fruits of the soil was as appropriate for a farmer as Abel’s firstborn of his flock was for a grazier. There was something more at play here: They are being tested.  ‘but on Cain and his offering God didn’t look with favour. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (5)  That’s where it went wrong for Cain. Cain didn’t ask God why his offering wasn’t acceptable. Pride took over and he became angry. Pride has a way of not listening, because it’s controlling, self-centred and self-protective.

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?  If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” (6-7)  There’s more to this story. 

It seems Cain knew what was right. It also seems that he liked things to go his way.

Cain had, and we have the ability to overcome our pride: God didn’t give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love, and of self discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) …We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5b)

 Pride is active in the breakdown of relationships: between God and people. The thing Cain wouldn’t accept is that God chooses what is right and suitable. Cain didn’t agree with this: he wanted to decide what was best for himself. His pride is now in control of him and this leads to terrible consequences: Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. (8) Why?

The thing about people is that we actually think we can hide things from God. ‘Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”  - Pride has to lie to protect––“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?’ (9-10)

In his arrogance (pride) Cain lied to God. He knew where his brother was, and he knew he was his brother’s keeper (protector).

(C S Lewis): ‘Pride leads to all moral failure: it’s the complete anti-God state of mind’.

Ever since the creation of people pride has been the main cause of misery in human relationships. It brings hostility: between people and between people and God.’

(Roger Miller) ‘It is my contention that pride is the main cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives’  How right is that!

Pride brings hostility. We see this clearly with Cain: He was hostile towards God for not accepting his offering. And he was hostile towards his brother because God was pleased with him. As a consequence of his pride Cain lies to protect himself. The apostle John says Cain was ‘of the evil one (and) Abel was righteous’ (I John. 3:12)

As with Cain, pride can also prevent us from seeing our real self.  It can even cause us to see our moral weaknesses and failures as good things.

Pride comes out in dummy spits––demanding to be heard, considered, tolerated, never to be disagreed with or criticized, etc.

(John Piper): ‘ Boasting and self pity are both signs of pride’.

Boasting is the wrong result of pride to success. “I deserve admiration because I’ve achieved so much.” Cain’s expectation and assessment of himself.

Self-pity is the wrong result of pride to suffering. “I deserve admiration because I’ve suffered or sacrificed so much”  Self pity is often not seen as pride in action. The reason self-pity isn’t usually seen as pride is because it appears to be needy and we don’t know how to respond when we see it. So we usually say nothing.

 (C S Lewis) ‘Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense. It even deceives us into believing we have a good relationship with God.  The truth is that while ever pride rules our mind we can never know God’.

Because the proud person is always demanding God does things their way. They, like  Cain, are, often disappointed with God when they don’t get what they want.

 

What is God’s solution to the problem of pride? One word covers it: Humility. God wants us to have a healthy pride.  He wants us to find pride in what he is doing in our lives and in the world. Only humility that keeps us responsive to the Lord and his Word will enable us to maintain that state of mind.

The way to managing pride is:  Turn from demanding that things work for us, learn to accept God’s ways and learn to depend on Jesus as the one complete human to follow through life.

‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves then, to God’  (James 4:6) If we practiced this more we would experience more of God’s grace and grow in closeness with God.

Reality: We will never be completely free of pride this side of heaven. Yet, with determination, it can be controlled. God said to Cain: ‘ If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” (Genesis 4:7)

The Genesis story tells us Cain didn’t change (4:12) His pride lead him to live with unrepentant guilt for killing his brother. His work was continually frustrating and he became a fugitive and wanderer for the rest of his life.  That’s what pride can do to a life.

We finish with two mindsets: Two negative and one positive, both essential if we are to live the rich life Jesus offers us and grow as a citizen of his world––The Kingdom of God.

Negative mindset: ’Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

Positive mindset: in humility consider others better than yourself. (Philippians. 2:3-4)  

As followers of Jesus we are to value and serve other people above ourselves. As we to put this into practical actions we place our pride as it should be––covered by humility.